Then, today happens...

After the initial shock wore off of finding out I would be having two babies instead of one, I often envisioned what they would be like as toddlers running around getting into things they shouldn’t and really enjoying eachothers company. That vision so far has not come true and I am not sure when it will.

The reality is, is that my walking toddler often goes off and plays on his own while my non-mobile toddler will lie on the floor and play with his toys or he now has resorted to rolling to entertain himself. I often sit with him on the floor to get him up off of his back or he will go into his stander to get some good weight bearing and play with his toys. Evan, on occasion will interact with Alex but it’s nothing like I dreamed of early on and it is one of the most heartbreaking things I have had to come to terms with.

I am so afraid that because of Alex’s disability, my boys won’t be as close, won’t share as much or won’t have a strong bond. I know it’s too early to tell, but it’s a fear that I have in my heart.

Then, today happens.

I took the boys to their class today (even though it was sleeting and the winds were blowing like crazy). Things went as they usually do, Evan went off and played on his own and Alex was left with me or one of the teachers. Instead of playing outside today, we went to the gym where they have an array of tricycles, wagons and cozy coupes for kids their age. Evan was off playing when I decided to put Alex in the wagon instead of keeping him on my lap the whole time. I planned on pulling him around when out of nowhere, Evan swooped in and pulled his brother all around the gym. I was so happy in this moment.

After school, we came home and spent the rest of the day inside. The boys had lunch, napped for a couple of hours and just before dinner I put Alex down on the floor with some blankets around him – but not supporting him. I was pleasantly surprised with how long he was sitting unsupported. In a 10 minute period, he only toppled over twice. I was actually sitting across from him for the first time instead of behind him, and guess who else was sitting right next to him….Evan. I am not lying when I say that Evan was SO happy to be sitting on the floor playing with Alex. They were taking blocks out of a box and then I brought out the mega blocks and they had a ball. It was short lived because Alex got tired, but for the first time I got to witness my boys playing together on their own just like I had envisioned. The tears were flowing and I can’t tell you how incredibly proud and happy I was in that moment.

Never Give Up.