Monday, June 4, 2012

You Have No Idea

Being a parent is hard work. Being a parent to twins is hard work plus exhaustion. Being a parent to twins with one of them having Cerebral palsy is hard work, plus exhaustion, plus overwhelming emotions that can strike at any time. Yesterday was one of those days when my emotions got the best of me.

We took the boys outside and I took Evan off the deck so he could help Eric in the shed. Watching him run through the back yard to find his Daddy was so cute. Shortly after, I brought Alex out and put him in his walker on the deck. That’s when it hit me;  I remember when I found out I was having twins, I pictured them running around, playing together, getting into trouble and having that special bond that twins have. But my twins are different. Evan runs, plays, gets into trouble while Alex hangs back, not because he wants to but because he has to unless we physically take him out to do things.

Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?

You have no idea.

Do you know how hard it is for me to watch my son struggle to do the simplest things like sit, stand and roll or pick up a piece of food?

Most people don’t realize how easy they have it. I was one of those people too, until I had Alex. One of the hardest things I struggle with being Alex’s Mom is seeing him NOT being able to do things and wanting him to so bad. Sometimes I get ahead of myself because he is still so young and has a lot of life ahead of him to accomplish many things.

As much as we want Alex to be like Evan, he’s not. Alex is who he is because that was God’s plan for him long before he was created and given to us as our son. (These are words of my husband) These words make me cry every time I hear them because it’s the truth. A truth that is hard for me to understand, but the truth nonetheless. A truth I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me, but that is to be expected. I don’t care who you are. Nobody’s perfect and life’s not easy but we must make the most of what we have.

I have LOVE and their names are Eric, Alex and Evan.

Do you have any idea how lucky I am?
You have no idea.

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