What a difference a year can make

It’s been awhile since I have written, so let me follow up on a couple of things.

Alex’s gait trainer is in process and I say in process because I am not sure exactly where we are at with it, but the paperwork is being done and hopefully we will have it for summer! It’s been such a circus trying to get people to do their jobs. But I think we are on our way.

Alex was approved for six more months of Outpatient Physical Therapy with his insurance (YAY!) so we are set through October.

I have been continuing to work with him on picking up small foods and self feeding. He is doing great picking them up and getting them TO his mouth, it's getting them IN his mouth that is a problem. No worries though because we just keep working on it.

It’s already been a year since Alex started Therapy with Early On. (Early On is a state funded program available through our school district that provide services such as PT, OT and Speech Therapy to children with developmental delays) I had to meet with the ladies from the school the other day to do his goals and paperwork for next year. So much has happened in the last year it’s hard to remember all of it. Eric and I videotaped a conversation we had the other night about all of Alex’s accomplishments we have noticed in the year. I was a bit down after talking with his therapists because I always feel like other people make me feel like Alex isn’t as far as he should be. Well, when you compare him to a normal developing 2 year old, he’s not, but when you really look at all he has done this past year, he has come so far. I never make it sound like I am disappointed in him because I’m not, but it’s like they want to make sure I am aware that he is no where he needs to be. DUH!

That boy is so strong and I am determined to make sure he gets everything he needs. There are so many success stories of children with CP out there. People being told their children may never walk or talk and they do. That is my hope for Alex. He may not do it until he is 3 or 4 or even 5 but dammit, I am determined to see my son walk and to hear him talk.

Last night he couldn’t sleep so I cuddled with him for a bit and I told him how much I love him and how I am going to do everything I possibly can to help him and have him live a normal life. I told him I will never let anyone hurt him or his brother and how I wish with all my heart that I could change things for him but I can’t.

I cry more than I should over this and it’s not always because I am sad, it’s because more than anything I want him to be ok.

I know full on now what it’s like to be a parent, to worry about my children constantly and just hope that they will grow up alright in this crazy world. It can be the best and worst feeling in the world – sometimes all at the same time. I wish I could constantly protect them, but I can’t because that’s the only way they are going to learn is if they are out there becoming who they are meant to be.

Today I was sitting with Alex in the backyard in the grass (something he wouldn’t tolerate at all a year ago) and Evan is across the yard telling Eric how to trim the bushes (LOL) and I can’t believe they are going to be two years old in two months. I watched him as he walked toward me and he seemed so grown up but then my eyes panned out and he was so small in the big yard.  And then there’s Alex. My little man who couldn’t sit on his own long enough a year ago for me to snap a picture of him is now sitting in the grass on his own…if only for a short period, it’s still long enough for me to take a picture of him. These are the moments that I am tucking way back in my memory so that I will always have them to reflect on.

Alex

Evan

What a difference a year can make...