Today was a rough day. We hang out mostly downstairs in the family room. It’s a large room, so I have the area where the boys play kind of barricaded. Outside of the barricade is the dog’s cage, the computer desk and of course the stairs. All of these areas Evan wanted to be a part of – big surprise. For over an hour this morning he kept breaking out of the barricade which became beyond frustrating to me. Not only was I not able to spend any time with Alex, but I was sweating like crazy and was ready to call it a day at 9:00 am. (I am able to laugh at the sweating part now as I read it back) I yelled at him a lot and I felt really bad. Not that this is the first time I have had to discipline Evan, it just seemed like a lot all at once. I was finally able to keep him in the play area and give Alex some attention but it didn’t stop Evan from crying about nothing.
It’s these moments that wear me down as a mother of twins. It’s these moments when I realize how much work it is and days like today that make me feel like a failure. But I can’t give up and I won’t give up. I take a few moments to myself, get it together and continue on with my day because that is my job as a Mother and I can’t quit.
The afternoon was much better for all of us. We all went to Alex’s therapy appointment which went really well and then came home and played. I apologized to Evan for yelling at him even though I know he doesn’t fully understand. I made sure to give him lots of hugs and kisses. Then, this evening while I was sitting on the floor with Alex, Evan came up to me, put his arms around my neck and gave me a super wet kiss on the cheek and then one on the lips. It’s more like he just opens his mouth and slobbers spit on me, but I will take it. It made all of my feelings of being a failure disappear because somewhere along the way I have taught my boys love and that’s something that can't be beat.