One on One for Two

As a parent you want nothing but the best for your children and you want nothing more than for them to succeed. I have plenty to keep me busy when it comes to Alex but that doesn’t mean Evan should be left in the dark.

Recently I have been noticing some jealousy issues with Evan. I know I spend a lot of one on one time with Alex because of his mobility issues and up until recently, his inability to sit on his own for long periods of time. Evan has always been really good about keeping himself busy and playing well on his own, but I am seeing more and more that he is craving my attention. I am now wondering if some of that is attributing to some of his behavior issues.

When I take Alex to therapy Evan is usually left with one of his Grandmas. This is good for him because he is not sitting at therapy bored out of his mind and it is a great opportunity to spend time with his Grandmas and get the one on one time he needs. He really enjoys his time with them and when Alex comes back into the picture Evan tries to claim Grandma as his. Jealousy issue #1.

Just the other day, Evan woke up from his nap before Alex (which is rare) so he came down into the family room and began playing with his blocks. I got down on the floor with him and he played so well, he didn’t act up and was my sweet little boy. I left for a few minutes to get Alex up and brought him down to the family room where we cuddled for a few minutes so he could wake up. Evan began throwing his blocks all over the room and whining. He had such an angry little look on his face and I knew in an instant that he was upset that Alex was now in the room. Jealousy issue #2.

Evan has been throwing tantrums now for about a year and not all of them are jealousy related, but I am now recognizing the ones that are. I guess I didn’t realize just how much he needs me. I am home all day with them and I thought my presence could be enough at times but now I am seeing it's not. Evan has always been so independent and I guess I took advantage of that thinking this whole time that things were ok when clearly they aren’t.

I don’t neglect Evan by any means, but I need to make it a point to spend more one on one time with him. I have included Alex in the past, but now that he is sitting so much better on his own, it’s ok to leave him be with his station of toys while I focus a little more of my attention on Evan. Hopefully that will cut down on the whining and throwing of toys. I know it won’t relieve me of the tantrums all together but it may be good for both of us in the long run.

 

Evan has had some speech delays so his communication isn't always clear which can be frustrating for both of us. We have been working with a Speech Therapist through the school and he is coming along very well and I think things are progressing nicely. He tries to communicate with me and even though it’s not clear, I understand what he wants for the most part.

My emotions are tested everyday; whether it be the whining, crying, tantrums, not listening or lack of communication, the stress is present and I need to do my best to be patient and take everything in stride. I didn’t realize that when you become a parent you never stop learning how to do your job. I am Alex and Evan’s mother, mentor and teacher for the rest of my life and it’s important that I take a minute to assess the situation at hand. I am not perfect, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a great mother and do everything in my power to make them happy. This is just one of many fazes in life and it will all come together in time.

Evan and Alex February 2013